You must note that Mark Henry Wayne Hiebert is an only child and according to his mom, has always enjoyed a sense of order in his surroundings.
In November of 2013, Mark moved to San Antonio as the literal re-start of his life after 18 years of marriage and too many years living (and driving) through Houston traffic.
When he met William and Rebekah Roberts, he found the need to start typing “missives” related to the proper living of life. Here’s the first one:
Toilet Operation Instructions
The plumbing in this house is old. This toilet is old.
You are asked to treat it gently & with significant care.
Step 1: Raise the lid.
If you’re a male and standing up, also lift up the seat. If you don’t know how to do this, ask for a demonstration. The first demonstration is free. Any subsequent demonstrations will be considered advanced training and require payment of $35 plus sales tax.
Step 2: Wipe yourself as appropriate.
Be frugal in your use of toilet paper, as it can clog this toilet, but keep yourself clean. Afterall, cleanliness is next to godliness. And I don’t want your stinky bum leaving a noxious odor in my home.
Step 3: Flush the toilet.
The lever is on the left-hand side of the tank. Depress it and hold it until you achieve water-flow sufficient to clear the bowl. It’s sometimes a little stubborn, so make sure the bowl is cleared. You might need to flush twice to clear the bowl, and don’t be afraid to do that. The important thing is that you ensure that your excrement has made like Elvis and left this building.
Step 4: Clean up any mess you make.
Boys and girls both sometimes have an issue with poor aim or errant spray. Make sure you leave the toilet at least as clean as you found it. Dispose of the spent tissue in the wastebasket. If the mess requires paper towels and bathroom cleaner, ask Mark or Alexis for appropriate assistance.
Step 5: Close the toilet.
Return the toilet seat and lid to the closed position. It’s polite. It’s good feng shui. And if you don’t do it, then you’re going to annoy the king of this domain, and this king doesn’t like to be annoyed.
Step 6: Wash and dry your hands.
It’s the right thing to do. Really. Not doing it just shows an extreme lack of class and self-respect. Wash those hands.
If there are problems with the toilet, then notify Mark or Alexis with some general (but not too detailed) description of what is amiss.
